FRED DIBNAHS BACKSTREET MGF GUIDE
Right then , basically I got sick of taking me Dads Rover 25 back home every Wednesday when he fucks off out to the lakes walking in it. Insurance is the same for even right shit-heaps like rover 25s and astras so I thought, youre gonna have your own car, why not do it with some style? Plus the guy who designed this car looked like he also designed the drug 'speed', so thats me sorted EH ?
SPEEDO CABLE REPLACE - fix power steering problem
The MGF cuts off the power steering if the revs are above 2000 ish for a time if you DONT have a speedo working, to solve this pull out the fuse in the bonnet and put it back again , should make the light go out, but rev it again like on the motorway and it will come on again, this is because going on the motorway with no speedo and the roof down is actually according to the cars CPU, 'dangerous'. Anyway it turns it into a tank and may take you by surprise at the first corner I come to. (:^D)
'After doing the clutch pipe, replacing this cable is a joke, BE CAREFUL YOU DONT FUCK THE BRAKE OR CLUTCH PIPES UP WHILST FREEING IT FROM THE CLIPS OR CABLE TIES LIKE I FUCKING DIDNT DO LEADING TO EXCESSIVE FUCKING ABOUT WITH THE CLUTCH. etc.. luckily it was the prone to snapping lower cable that went. New one in, speedo works its wobbly, and now the car actually registers the miles its done, and doesent cut off the steering on the motorway anymore. Beats just wiring a switch and cycling it when you come off the motorway. Naaaah its not DODGY! It LOVES it! (:^D) Upper cable number YBD101640, Intermediate YBD101660, Lower YBD101250 fyi. Peace suckers!
HYDRAULIC CLUTCH PIPES REPLACE
New pipes, unions and tools you COOKED UP,
A garage can get FUCKED UP
Above is the rupert bear short bit for lazy parents. Sounds heavy doesent it, my old man did the usual nah thats too hard etc you cant do that yourself business. I was trying to replace the speedo cable on the MGF, I yanked at a cable tie foolishly it was strong and the pipe was corroded and fluid started dripping out of it. 'FUCK, THE BRAKES!' , I thought, then walked to a nearby garage and booked it in. Wednesday, she says, it was Monday. Got back and had to starter motor it off the ramps. (The ramps I used to make all the fucking fluid drip out of it..) tidied up, I soon realised that it wasn't the brakes but the clutch that had been so corroded a cable tie snapped it. Clutch pedal flat to the floor.
I went inside and hit the manual, it says naff all about the cluch pipe other than that its the clutch pipe. On the internet, sites say some stuff about it being similar to brake pipe. There was a 'brake pipe flaring kit' available with the tools, the pipe and the unions (the bit that joins the pipe to something), I didnt want to wait so I got out in my old mans Rover 25 which was sadly very nice to drive, (no bashing it or weaving and shit but no cornering like that or hood open blarting anymore) asking garages in the area if they have pipe and unions. Their responses ranged from bullshit answers like 'YOU CANT MAKE CLUTCH PIPES YOU HAVE TO JUST REPLACE THEM', to gone out GORMLESS stares to actually very helpful replys like, 'I have the tools, id do it but i dont have the pipe or the unions, go to this shop in Duckinfield..' On my way to ducky, pass by this auto store, small ish place, thought, 'this will be a laugh' went in there. For the tenth time today, have you got this pipe and unions for it ? Oh and have you one of those tools for flaring the ends of pipes (I fucking doubted it ) but this dude brought one over, the other guy found the pipe and the MALE union, I'd have to use the fucked too big female union and pray. Still, SUCCESS ! Got the tools and the main parts. Thanks a bunch AUTO STORE fuck you grease monkeys, HOME !
With my spanking new DRAPER PIPE FLARING KIT and UNIONS and COPPER CLUTCH PIPE I set about the work..
- Jack it up
- Lay cable
- Put unions on, flare pipes and tighten
- Brake fluid in and bleed
- Tighten if necessary
- Test by pumping clutch 200 times or more
I badly overestimated that I needed 8 Foot of cable, I got a roll saying ... Yeah 7000, thats seven meters. Thats why .. Had way too much cable, still a good days work with plenty of standing around time and getting wrecked sipping redbull and goin, 'have I done that right ?' Jacked it right the fuck up, layed the cable, used the pipe cutter tool to cut it a bit longer than necessary for when I get the proper female union, stuck the unions over the pipe, flared them shits. Bent it carefully to fit. Tightened the mother fucker up and guess what? It fucking LEAKED. Not from the new union at the master cylinder but from the old one at the bottom, which had at least 1 mm of play in it. Shit I thought, back to the garage Id booked it in on this day for, asked him for unions and pipe, some grumpy ass mother fucker stooped on over with a fucking right chev on, didnt want to help, was all no no no , thats specialist etc, asked him about a brake pipe union I could drill out, hes like YOU DONT WANNA START drilling things, I walked off saying 'actually YEAH I DO..' cos he wasnt going to fucking help me. Oh and the appointment with the garage, well I thought that they can now shove it up their arses after being like that with me. SPECIALIST JOB ? MY SWEATY NUTSACK its a fucking specialist job ! Utter SHASH that it pure bollocks.
Pissed off now, I walked back home. Looked under the jacked up MGF, thought FUCK IT, MAY AS WELL TIGHTEN IT TO FUCK.' Did just that, pumped her, no more drips, wiped all the brake fluid away, no drips! Bled it, no drips! So far so good, Need to replace the female union, Ill order that asap and re cut and flare it, re bleed and it will be tip top. Carefully, I cable tied and padded up the new cable, and set about testing it, basically press the clutch pedal as if you were driving normally, when you think about it you end up pressing it very often indeed, Im surprised it lasts as long as it does. I pressed it at least 200 times, hooked a reversing camera up to see it moving, felt as normal. After a while I lowered it and tried driving back and forth vigorously, plus it went in gear okay the clutch worked as normal. PROPER JOB! So far so good.
WHAT DOES THE MGF NOT LIKE ?
SPEED BUMPS sleeping policemen scooter ramps etc, first got it, got diverted off the main road by the cozz;, down an industrial drag strip with really fucking nasty speedys on it, that every one smashed the bottom, ill put a pic youll think im fucking looney, like is it meant to be that bent ?, basically few more times and the fuckers have smashed off the pointless anti roll bar off the pitiful fucking links, so i took it off and cant notice the difference.Checked the rover 25, it has no roll bar, it provides minimal structural strength so its now on my Dads kitchen floor.